Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Reasons for Not Forgiving:
They don't deserve forgiveness.
I can't pretend it didn't happen.
I don't want to reconcile with the person who hurt me.
Forgiveness is a sign of weakness.
Forgiveness sounds fine but revenge sounds better.

When We Do Not Forgive:
The person that hurts is the person that does not forgive.
Feeling angry and resentful reinforces the feeling of being the victim.
Feelings of anger and resentment create a stress response that causes high levels of stress hormones and increased blood pressure and heart rate.
When people hold onto anger and past trauma so strongly, the stress response never goes away. They pay a toll in their physical and emotional sense of well-being.

Forgiveness:
Is not to pretend everything is fine.
Is not to stuff away angry and hurt feelings.
Is not to accept the hurtful behavior.
Is not necessarily to reconcile or to have contact with the offender.
Is not something you can be pressured to do.
Is not forgetting a past hurt, but rather, developing a picture of hurt without dwelling on the emotions.
Is letting go of the need to fix the wrong and/or to get even with the person.

Reasons for Forgiving:
1. Reduces stress - When we mentally replay a hurtful memory or nurse a grudge against a person who mistreated or offended us, the body reacts with a stress response.
2. Willingness to forgive a parent or friend for a betrayal is associated with a lower blood pressure, a lower heart rate and a reduced workload for the heart muscle.
3. Developing a capacity for forgiveness can help keep small disappointments from developing into big ones. Regularly practicing forgiveness can keep small incidents from hardening into lingering resentment.
4. Faced with chronic pain and illness, the practice of loving-kindness significantly reduces the discomfort.
5. Creates greater happiness. When you forgive someone you make yourself responsible for your happiness. Your happiness is no longer in the hands of the person that hurt you.
6. Control: you have the choice to forgive and move on or to stay stuck.
7. To not forgive is to choose to stay in the relationship with that person you want out of your life.
8. Letting go is to love more and fear less. (Al-anon)